My mind is like a system that never shuts off – working to process thoughts of worry. As one item is handled, another one surfaces in the never-ending list of objectives to be resolved. Through computers, text messaging and social media I’m bombarded with information of what I don’t have, what I can’t achieve, what I’m delinquently failing at and what I may lose.
Recently I confessed my struggles with panic attacks and anxiety to a small group of women in a Christian chatroom. One of the women reached out to me by email to tell me about her own struggles with anxiety and fear. She said, “Whats the worst that can happen? We die and get to go home?”
I’ve thought about this question a lot over the last few days. I’ve tried to pin-point the exact source causing my illness and I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m not scared of dying. I believe with all my heart that when I take my last breath on this earth, my next moment will be glorious – freed from the challenges of this life and welcoming an eternal life without pain and suffering and worry. So then what am I scared of?
I’m scared of him leaving me. I’m scared of the Lord allowing more trouble into a place that’s already so broken and devastated that I can hardly catch my breath at times. The book of 1 John says:
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.
This promise sounds comforting and peaceful on the outside, but as I meditate on its meaning, I realize how imperfect I am in the pursuit of Love – real love – God’s love. I’ve witnessed the transformation in trials and the goodness that can be found in the middle of a situation so horrible, it seems impossible to find any good. And as I plead with the Lord to deliver us from the afflictions we have faced and continue to endure, I struggle with the idea of receiving what I don’t deserve. I deserve bad things. After all I’ve been through, I still worry. I still faint in my fear and battle with faith, trying to figure this all out by myself with the lingering questions, What if he doesn’t help me? What if I’m not in line with His will for me? What if he allows more bad things to happen because I don’t deserve deliverance?
The bible says to take captive my thoughts…
Lord, help me to do that today. Father, please let me feel your perfect love that casts out all fear. Heavenly Father I know you love us so much to have sent your son to die for us. Why do I feel unworthy? Please God show me how to be delivered by your perfect peace. Build my faith in the wake of feeling helpless and worthless today. Please grant me the perfect peace of Jesus that surpasses all understanding.
In Jesus Name,
Amen
My friend Danielle, just posted this message on facebook…. I needed it today…
For you when you need Him this week:
WHEN YOU ARE STRESSED
Philippians 4:6
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
Psalm 55:22
Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.
Psalm 118:5-6
Out of my distress I called on the Lord; the Lord answered me and set me free. The Lord is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me?
Proverbs 12:25
Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.
Romans 8:28
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.
Matthew 11:28-30
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
James 1:12
Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.
Matthew 6:33
But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
Luke 10:41-42
But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.”
Psalm 37:7
Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices!