Who are you? when i was a little girl, this world was so full of wonder. I remember chasing butterflies, picking pears from the fruit trees, laying in the grass on my Granny’s front lawn staring at the clouds. I felt so small yet so important – purposed for something so much greater than my imagination could yet understand. I remember starting school and my kindergarten teacher brought in parents for a discussion of what we want to be when we grow up. They all seemed to have cool jobs (policemen, firefighters, plumbers). But I knew none of them were meant for me. I was going to be like Rainbow Bright, (my favorite cartoon character at the time). I would be gifted for the sake of helping others – I would travel about saving the day for people who needed my help. Fast forward many years later and the world said that was impossible – that I must fall in line with a system that dictates our worth by a set of principles called the American Dream. So, I got a normal job and worked endlessly to barely be able to put food on the table for my family while paying out my portion to the authorities that rule our lives. Over time I actually convinced myself that I could make a difference in this world by figuring out how to be a better participant in a broken system. By learning how to play by the rules, manipulating my way into groups of people that could profit me and jumping on the “keeping up with the Jones’” mentality, I had become proud of my accomplishments that profited ME. I was playing the game and I was learning how to win…. Win what? The bible says, and i’m paraphrasing, “if you gain the whole world and lose your soul, what have you gained?” When my world shattered and the aftermath was a period of pause – a stand still and complete loss of normalcy, I was left to the devices of my own thoughts. And like that little girl, I was brought back to the place of wonderment, staring out into the clouds from a hospital room, listening to the fragile sound of life over a set of screen monitors that released a continuous beeping noise of warning, asking God, “Who am I?” For the first time in 36 years, I could hear the voice of that little girl inside of me – the one that I had abandoned long ago – trading her dreams for someone else’s idea of who I am to become. In shame, I asked myself “What happened to you? You were meant for so much more.” Today, as we continue through trials and times of uncertainty – my faith is tested still. I look for mercy in a world where few understand the meaning. My heart has eyes to see and just like that little girl, wanting to make a difference – identifying so many things wrong that I was blinded to before. I look around at the differentials of life-form around me. So many people are crying out for help in their suffering, and at the same time others are boasting in their increase. I feel like I’m on the battlefield, waring against myself to not place judgement on those who are in the exact place where I came from. All the while, I want to scream out to people and shake them – to save them from a process that I’ve endured. Jesus said “I have come to cast fire upon the earth; and how I wish it were already kindled!” Perhaps we can’t know that we’re victors, if we haven’t first known what it’s like to be a victim. But I know this, I don’t want to gain the world anymore and I refuse to believe the lies that shape us into things we were never meant to become. By the Grace of God I trust in a purpose much greater than myself. I believe that I can lose everything that the world has to offer and be rich in HIS glory because I’m no longer a slave – a chess piece falling in line. I’m a child of God, redeemed by the blood of Jesus – a little girl chasing butterflies, picking fruit trees, laying on the lawn in wonder of HIS creation.
Luke 1:17 – “And he shall go before him in the spirit and power of Elias, to turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the disobedient to the wisdom of the just; to make ready a people prepared for the Lor
