If life seems to be going the wrong way, you might want to ponder who you are. One of the most beautiful moments of my entire life was also one of the most difficult moments. I can’t really express where I was mentally, because I was THAT defeated. I remember running into the spare bedroom and crying hysterically with my head in a pillow hoping the kids couldn’t hear me. I texted my mom and asked her if I could stay with her and then tried to figure out how I would explain to the kids, who were so excited to have me home for the first night in months, that I couldn’t be in our home. It was like walking into a crime scene for me. And opening our bedroom door to see everything was exactly as we’d left it that night, the bedside lamps still lit, i just felt like the air was knocked out of my lungs, like I was about to suffocate.. I just couldn’t be in this house and so many things going through my head, I wondered if Josh would ever step foot back into our home.. it was a real moment of weakness and I remember as I was laying there crying into that pillow, I heard a voice say “Im saving your family, remember your mothers dream.”.. I’m not going to talk about my mothers dream but I just want to say there’s no doubt, the Lord spoke to me at that moment and sent a great peace over me and showed me His love… which seems impossible because everything was so broken.. how can that be His love? Because he knows things we don’t.. yes, it’s His love. Tonight listening to a man of God he talked about why the Bible says judgement starts with His church. And as he walked through stories and scriptures of the refinement, I remembered that night.. that beautiful moment when I heard the Lord and He calmed me down and gave me understanding about a process that was for our good. The greatest gifts are coming to the vessels that have nothing of themselves in them, and everything of Jesus.. being purged hurts.. it stings bad, but it’s the process of something beautiful in the making. It’s hard to rejoice in our trials but there’s a reason for the things we go through, for the qualifying, buying Gold of Jesus “tried by the fire” and a reason the apostles said to rejoice. I don’t mean to ramble on this just want to say if things are hard right now, seek the Lord for understanding.. hang in there, He’s doing something to you and preparing you for a type of work we can’t yet understand. But we can be sure that’s it’s all good 
❤️